The Power of Shame and Fear
Have you ever experienced being told that you were bad or wrong because of something you said, believed, or did? How about being made to feel that Who You Are is bad (sinful, corrupt, fallen, wrong)? This is a common experience for many people of many walks and religions. This feeling is shame.
I have had many personal brushes with shame; granted, that has lessened recently, but it still happens. Being gay and finding myself with spiritual beliefs that didn't match the beliefs of my family, I have known shame.
There is a difference between shame and guilt. Shame is a feeling towards who you are, integral parts of your being. Guilt is the feeling you feel when you have done something wrong (i.e. stealing, murder, lying).
The first time I felt shame (that I can recall) is when I first came out to my parents. For at least 2 years, I was told that being gay was wrong, unacceptable--as if I could do something about it! It wasn't understood that "gay" isn't something I'm doing, it's part of who I am as an individual.
The second instance I've felt shame was when I realized that I didn't share my family's belief in Christianity and Jesus. It wasn't that I hated Jesus, but I could not accept the acts carried out in his name. Nor could I accept that God would send people to Hell.
The quote I posted in my last post, illustrates how the God of my church seemed to me. The God that I experienced personally was all-loving, nurturing, accepting, and bigger than a deity who sent people to Hell yet supposedly "loved" them.
I have found in Unitarian Universalism a way to the divine that resonates with my deepest spiritual convictions. UUMAN (my UU church home) promotes itself as a community of "open hearts and open minds." Never, in all my years of going, has UUMAN fell shy of this assertation.
I have had many personal brushes with shame; granted, that has lessened recently, but it still happens. Being gay and finding myself with spiritual beliefs that didn't match the beliefs of my family, I have known shame.
There is a difference between shame and guilt. Shame is a feeling towards who you are, integral parts of your being. Guilt is the feeling you feel when you have done something wrong (i.e. stealing, murder, lying).
The first time I felt shame (that I can recall) is when I first came out to my parents. For at least 2 years, I was told that being gay was wrong, unacceptable--as if I could do something about it! It wasn't understood that "gay" isn't something I'm doing, it's part of who I am as an individual.
The second instance I've felt shame was when I realized that I didn't share my family's belief in Christianity and Jesus. It wasn't that I hated Jesus, but I could not accept the acts carried out in his name. Nor could I accept that God would send people to Hell.
The quote I posted in my last post, illustrates how the God of my church seemed to me. The God that I experienced personally was all-loving, nurturing, accepting, and bigger than a deity who sent people to Hell yet supposedly "loved" them.
I have found in Unitarian Universalism a way to the divine that resonates with my deepest spiritual convictions. UUMAN (my UU church home) promotes itself as a community of "open hearts and open minds." Never, in all my years of going, has UUMAN fell shy of this assertation.
posted by Joey at 11:34 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home